When I am in Germany flying home to Houston, I tell everyone I am going home for X days. In Houston, when heading back to Germany, I never tell people I am going home. However, it's been a slow realization that I am using home as a short for "hometown", because when I fly back to Germany, I feel like I actually am going home. My room, my job, my friends/adopted family - heck, MY LIFE - are in Germany. That's just what happens when you have lived somewhere 2+ years.
Every time I come home, my most asked question is "When are you coming back?" I really have no answer. I can't just pick up and leave. It would take months to wrap up my life in Karlsruhe. I own property. I am under contract. I've nurtured relationships. I have a job. I've dedicated loads of time (and money) to learning a language. I have a plan for the future. One day, my time in Germany will probably end, whether it's my readiness to start a career in the USA or God-forbid deportation. Until that day comes though, Germany is home. For those of you wondering, by the way, this could be months and it could be years.
People ask me what it's like in Germany. I could write post after post on this. In many ways, Germany is a lot like the US. Today though, I want to address the factor that has changed me most, and that's my lifestyle in Germany versus my lifestyle in the USA. I grew up very privileged in a neighborhood. My zip code growing up is listed as #6 wealthiest zip code in the United States (although I can't say we contributed). I spent my summers at sleep away camp, my high school didn't need uniforms because everyone already wore Ralph Lauren Polo like it was their job, and my freshman year of college I lived at a private dormitory. I was on a path, get good grades, graduate college, start a corporate career, get married, have kids. I relished it all, too. Heck, I want my children to have the exact.same.things (if they so desire). The truth is though, I grew up in a bubble, and it wasn't until my first trip abroad that I realized experiencing life outside of this bubble was so important for me.
My life in Germany is different. I work part-time pub and 100% of my disposable income goes to trips and Ryanair flights. Barely any of my friends have cars. We cook instead of going out to eat. We pregame/predrinks/grab "prinks" so we don't have to spend money at the clubs. We play cards and picnic for fun. When we need something, we buy it at Primark. We enjoy the simple things in life. This is the most valuable lesson I've learned. I am happy as ever in Germany and spending money has nothing to do with it. This might also have to do with my small scale or responsibility (I just feel like I have to mention that). Coming home, I immediately fall into my old lifestyle: fine dining, unnecessary shopping that I find ways to justify, mani/pedis, and sudden needs for a new pair of designer jeans. I fall into it because of course I enjoy these things, too, I cannot even lie. Then I look at my credit card bill and kick myself because I know I will never enjoy my purchases as much as traveling, new experiences, and learning about another culture. That's where my focus is now.
This feeling is hard to explain without droning on, and I sincerely hope it does not come off as unappreciative of all I was given and the luxuries I was raised with like Camp Mystic, my own Cable TV, and my sorority membership. What I do want to express is how thankful I am for it, while also being thankful for the opportunity to work in service, budget travel, and meet people from neighborhoods outside of "the bubble" for now, because one day, I wish to raise my children, too, in their own safety bubble, and have the money to indulge in all of the above. For the time being though, I have to choose one, and I choose experience.
19 comments
I really love this post. I also grew up in a privileged place, and my parents worked hard to give us that safe bubble to grow up in. While I have never moved abroad, I have travelled extensively and love experiencing different cultures. It makes you appreciate where you came from, but also that there are other ways of life that can be equally rewarding.
ReplyDeleteAlex can you please get out of my head and stop writing posts I should have written but was way too lazy to do it :) Also, totally stealing "prinks"!
ReplyDeleteCompletely agree - after six years in Spain, I would be torn to even move elsewhere in the country! It would take me ages to wrap up so many loose ends, to say goodbye to the city I spent my 20's in and to consider leaving a steady, nuturing relationship. I get the, 'Ya done with Spain yet?' question often and I never have an answer!
ReplyDeletePleased you are finding joy & contentment in living simply and 'in the moment'.
ReplyDeleteWas going to write a diatribe on happy living, but seems you are learning quite well on your own.
Continue doing what you enjoy and success is yours.
Love you, proud of, and for, you.
Always,
Daddio
in my life, at least, the split between BUYING things and DOING things is the eternal struggle. I think the cushy, privileged life provided to me by my parents (for which I am quite grateful) has really contributed to this "I need gratification now!" kind of sense that I find myself often struggling with.
ReplyDeleteLOVE this post! I feel almost exactly the same about life in SA - things here are just a) cheaper and b) less commercial. It's nice to not feel caught up in the rate race :) xxx
ReplyDeleteI get what you mean about 'home'... I'd always say I'm 'going home' for the holiday when I was studying, and I felt terrible if I accidentally slipped up and called my university town 'home' to my parents... it felt like such betrayal. But I've found that actually I have lots of places I 'feel at home' and that's okay. I'm glad you're enjoying the little things in life, and are still able to appreciate what you had growing up - it's easy to compare and complain but your outlook is just so happy that you get to choose :)
ReplyDeletePeople always ask me whether I'm going "Home" for the holidays, even though I haven't really lived in my dad's home since I left for uni. I do still have a bedroom there though, which kind of makes it home. But then when I leave England, I say I'm "going home" as well. I've actually lived in Karlsruhe for longer than I've (continuously) lived in a single place in me entire life... if that doesn't make it home, I don't know what does!
ReplyDeleteUntil I was 11 or 12, I grew up in the army, which its own kind of bubble. Civilian life was a HUGE shock to me. I couldn't believe there were people who'd actually spent their entire lives in a single town.
When I was growing up, we were poor. Like, really poor. I think this makes me take everything in a lot more when I'm living as an expat. I tend to be able to put up with a lot more and accept the lack of home comforts a lot more than others. My sisters (9 and 11 years younger than me) grew up in luxury, and travel a lot with my parents. I really hope they have an expat life when they are adults so they can learn to live in challenging situations. I think it makes us a bigger, better person.
ReplyDeleteGreat read, Alex! I always love your comparison posts!
ReplyDelete"I whip my hair back and forth.." Can't wait for more Markt Lücke prinks! Don't get too sloshed in Munich, we need you on your game back home. (Also really looking forward to our next baking sesh.. found a recipe for red velvet brownies with white choc buttercream absolutely screaming our names) xxxx
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Alex! I think it is so important to make new experiences. I have lived in the same German state for such a long time, I studied there, everything. And I am so glad to be able to experience something else.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! People always ask why I chose to make Germany my home and how I could leave the states permanently. I always have so many reasons but they are so hard to explain. But they boil down to your point, experience and simplicity. Life is different here. It's simpler and for me I love it. :-)
ReplyDeleteThe experience is the absolute best part! I lived in Germany for just under three months when I was eighteen and dream about it everyday. The money I saved up went towards trips around the country/surrounding countries and one big trip to Istanbul! Sure we were broke most of the time, but to see the views that I have seen... it's like being in paradise.
ReplyDeleteYes, and also, I think living in a bubble at the start of life makes for a more interesting and exciting departure from said bubble! When I took a job at 19 working in a night club in England, I was pretty much fresh out of my bubble, and it was the most exciting thing I could possibly have done then!
ReplyDeleteYou hit the nail on the head. I live so differently (not better per se, just differently) than I would, and my friends are, back in Texas. It's a different road we've taken that's led to a very different life, plain and simple.
ReplyDeleteSuch an interesting post! I guess it's hard to understand a culture completely because there are just so many sub-groups within, so moving to another country probably is the only way to experience all of that! :-)
ReplyDeleteSo true!! Life abroad is so different than back home. Or wait which is home! ah! haha I too would rather have experiences and spend time with the new friends I've made. It's just different! But I love it! oh but there's always a new jacket or dress calling my name!!!
ReplyDeleteOh boy can I relate! We have an Army home and where we were born home!
ReplyDelete