I have lived in Germany 10 months now, so I think it's fair to say I've met my fair share of Germans. In this time, it's been easy to form some generalizations. Germans speak more than one language. Germans are much better (or at least more focused) at math and science than Americans. Germans are on time. Germans love beer and football. But one thing sticks out above all the rest:
Germans are blunt.
The following exchanges were with people I do not know in the least bit. These are not funny, conversational exchanges with friends. I mean, they're funny exchanges, but not with friends.
Beispiel 1 (via Facebook Chat)
Me: have you had time to have some fun since youve been back?
C: yeah.. I have a narrow timetable but indeed I did. Mon-Friday I am stuying hard and doing lots of sports, the weekends I was visiting friends or being visited. And I am doing my Portuguese language partner (she is 34!).. so I simplify my life but am fulfilled
Me: Doing what with her? haha I went to Portugal last weekend!
C: yeah really? My exgirl was living there! I love portugal. oh, I am sleeping with her
Me: haah ya it was awesome and haha just had to clarify - not used to people being so blunt. i always hear that's the best way to learn the language haha
C: I am sorry, I am always blunt. If you go to a different place, you should sleep with the localsto get the spirit. I am doing her a favor
Beispiel 2 (at a bar)
Me: Oh nice to meet you, how do you guys know each other?
B: Oh, we slept together once.
How do you say "No Filter" auf Deutsch?
Although I have many more examples, I think this ends the blog-appropriate conversations. Was Eurotrip correct when Cooper said, "You know America was founded by Prudes. Prudes who left Europe because they hated all the kinky, steamy European sex that was going on" ? After the initial shock of "is this normal?", I actually like the Germans' blunt style. There's no beat-around-the-bush in this country. It's not just sex related; If there's a problem, people say what they think and tell you how it is, but in a mature, everything-is-up-for-reasonable-discussion, manner. No one avoids confrontation and or engages the "no hurt feelings" social standards we have laid out in the U.S.
What are your thoughts?
Do you find yourself restrained by cultural conversation norms?
What experiences have you had at home and abroad?
34 comments
I love how blunt the Germans are - you always know where you stand.
ReplyDeletei try to have some type of filter on my mouth thought it doesn't always work but hubby on the other hand no filter at all
ReplyDeletehaha, Germans can be funny. :)
ReplyDeleteso is this what's wrong with me?
ReplyDeletei thought it only applies to a man in particular, but now i know germans are blunt
ReplyDeleteI agree that we (Americans) have strange social customs based on the overbearing fear of offending someone, but the social idiosyncrasies in Britain are very confusing. If someone says something is "quite good" they mean sub-par, not better than great. It's nearly impossible to tell if someone who says "we must have you to tea" actually means afternoon drinking of tea, dinner, or whether they're just being polite and don't ever have interest in seeing you again. Etc. Oh, and there's a whole level I've dubbed "Old English Gentleman Farmer Snark." They will say something that sounds perfectly harmless, but their tone just slaps you across the face. This isn't to say the English are rude; I just have taken many a social stumble in learning how to interpret "reserved and aloof". Luckily I've got some great native friends that find my questions entertaining...
ReplyDeleteMy high school had an exchange program with a German high school, and when they came over to us they couldn't believe how sexually repressed (inexperienced and nervous-giggly) we were- so I totally believe these conversations!
hahaha that's too funny! I don't think I would ever share like that but it is a little nice to hang around people who are so honest and open.
ReplyDeleteI also love the bluntness because no one takes anything personally. It's just like "btw, that was really horrible" and you're just like "yeah, cool" and everyone goes on and is ok with life. I like that!
ReplyDeleteFunny to read that as a German. Ha ha... Maybe because we Germans are blunt some think the Americans are prude and a bit superficial [I don't think that by the way]. But I heard people say it. Guess they are just not used to someone not being blunt and say certain things straight forward. I don't know... just a guess.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, to answer your question about what "no filter" is in German. You can just say "ungefiltert". Like in: "die ungefilterte Wahrheit sagen" or use phrases like: "nicht um den heißen Brei reden" / "etwas nicht schön reden" / "etwas sehr direkt sagen" / ... . Always depends on the context though.
By football, you meant soccer, right? Germans are crazy about Fussball. Don't call any German [male] on a Saturday between 6 and 8pm - Sportschau is on TV... ha ha ha =)
Haha, this would leave me with raised eyebrows too! "I am doing my Portuguese language partner" is hilarious. I'm not sure anyone really NEEDS to know that about anyone, sexual repression or otherwise!
ReplyDeleteNo but for real, it's really nice to know exactly how someone feels and what's going on. Gotta love it. Such a surprise at first, though.
ReplyDeletehaha always nice to have people to be filterless around
ReplyDeleteseriously, who ever said Germans were the least funny nationality? I love it.
ReplyDeleteWrong? No. I love the filter-less. We should all be this way. We need to have a meet up, asap.
ReplyDeleteThis totally makes me rethink EVERYTHING my British friend Leila says. She's coming in a month and I'm so going to over analyze everything she says now but this is awesome. It really sometimes is straight out of the movies with European vs. American sexuality. Sometimes we wonder why these stereotypes and perceptions exist but then you not only witness it, but are a part of it and it makes so much more sense haha.
ReplyDeleteha it really is, but ya i'm not quite to the sharing like that with strangers point yet... not sure if i'll ever be
ReplyDeleteIt really is great, once I got used to it and stopped looking like a deer in headlights every time it happened!
ReplyDeleteYes! This is awesome! I totally know some Germans think that about Americans. Everyone is actually very opena bout their perceptions of the US when they meet me, which is cool because it's always easy to laugh about. Most people give you the chance to defy a stereotype.
ReplyDeleteAnd YAY for my German lesson of the day!
Haha yes, I did mean soccer. It's funny because now I say football when I should say fußball or soccer because I used to mean American football when I said it, so now I just confuse people. Oh Gott.
I know right. I don't even know this dude!
ReplyDeleteI am glad you like us Germans, we can be weird sometimes but we really try to do our best. :)
ReplyDeleteHa! Ohmygosh! Thanks for the warning! Hopefully I'll be prepared when I move there!
ReplyDeletexx
Kecia
http://www.couturezooblog.com/
I love it! Most German girls thought I was a slut for talking about sex all the time! But all my guy friends think it's funny and say "you're so German." Of course, the boy likes that I can be blunt too. So did I get my bluntness while living in Germany? Maybe? But I think I've always been like that and Deutschland just enhanced it :)
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, no one in this country is shy when it comes to expressing themself
ReplyDeleteHa you will be caught off guard at first, but you will learn to love it!
ReplyDeletehaha oh gosh, I can't even imagine what my friends are going to think of me when I'm home and filter-less
ReplyDeleteAs much as I hate to admit to admit it, we're a little prude. Last night I was watching a variety show (they LOVE them in France) with my in-laws, and there were all these show girls swanning around the stage topless. Totally normal for them, a tad uncomfy for me. I can't wait until topless showgirls don't phase me at all :)
ReplyDeleteSo true - how were we raised for this to make us so uncomfortable. I feel your pain. Actually, not pain, just awkwardness.
ReplyDeleteI was a bit surprised when the kids I was taking care of (8&11) ran up to their mom and me waving pictures of topless women (one pic enhanced, the other not) at the dining room table. I'll be prepared on my trip to Bavaria to visit a friend.
ReplyDeleteHaha ya so funny how differently nudity is viewed. I still haven't brought myself to go to a sauna yet.
ReplyDeleteI stumbled upon this older post of yours by accident and love it! It makes me laugh being I have a Ger,an husband and know all too well how blunt they can be. But I also really appreciate that about Germans. There is no facade or misconceptions. It's actually a fresh change that has a sense of relief. :-)
ReplyDeleteHaha once you get used to it, you do learn to appreciate it but oh how it is shocking the first few times!
ReplyDeleteI'm half German, half American,Dated a German guy few months ago, and I noticed that he is very prude, reserved, and very straightforward. We slept together, not having sex but we make out..and the next thing in the morning he said, next time could you please sleep at the other side of the bed because you are taking most of my side and I cant sleep. Whatt???!! I was expecting a good morning kiss! Btw, are German guys mostly prude? Sometimes I just felt like tearing his pants off! LOL
ReplyDeleteHaha I love his directness with the "can't sleep" statement but I cannot speak for the prude thing, I have not heard any others who found this to be a German thing so I think you've just found a unique guy :)
ReplyDeleteI like Germans. I met a German dude at a hotel once
ReplyDeleteand I talked to him in German and he was really pleased and even shook my hand haha. My other German friend told me that my habit of reading books was "boring" haha I didn't get offended though, he was a fun-loving bloke.